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“On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me,

and I am in you.” John 14:20

Andrew Murray’s words from Absolute Surrender hit like a sharp arrow piercing an old memory. When exposed, it suddenly became spiritual revelation.

“In the beginning of the faith-life, faith is struggling. But as long as faith is struggling, faith has not attained its strength. But when faith in its struggling gets to the end of itself, and throws itself upon God and rests on Him, then joy and victory come.”

As a 29-year-old woman with two young boys, the news of my husband’s tragic death seemed unbearable. Shocking news hits like a scorching fire and seems to overtake and consume your world. I had survived what I thought was the impossible by telling my boys that their Daddy was gone, never to return. The next accomplishment was to return to our house, but I honestly have no memory of how we got there. Friends were already gathered doing what friends do at a time like this. Our parents had been called and would be arriving in the next few hours. Time stood still, but phone calls and a continual flow of people gathering told me the nightmare was for real.

“If only my Daddy were here!” He had always been the rock in my life. He seemed to bring peace to every situation and his love covered a multitude of things. I sprang to my feet every time the door opened expectantly waiting for my parent’s arrival. Finally they walked through the door and we quickly escaped to my bedroom. Sitting on the side of my bed, I threw myself upon my Daddy. I crawled into his lap to be held in his arms as if all would be fine once I got there. With his strong arms wrapped around me and our heads buried into each other, we wept together. All of me was held; not just my body, but also everything that gripped me was wrapped up in my Daddy’s strength and love.

I have come to know that this is what faith feels like. In my total devastation, loss, inadequacy, inability, I throw myself upon God and rest on Him. I not only put my body on Him, but all of me. Every fear, every doubt, every shocking moment of life is thrust upon Him. In my heart, I must freely put all of me into Him. Held by Him, I am wrapped and consumed by His strength and love.

This is where we are to live all of life.




Not up and down from His lap, but living from His life. It is our natural tendency to throw ourself upon Him in desperate times, jumping down to live on our own when we feel strong and able. There is a desperation that must come acknowledging that I can do nothing without Him. Wrapped up in His strength, His love, His omnipotence, I not only have everything that I need, I am everything.

Are you living from His lap?

“He is in the Father, I am in Him and He is in me.”

Now that is safety and security. There is strength and courage; joy and victory.

You are never too old, too adult, too grown or too smart, too weak to crawl on His lap. Don’t jump down when you feel strong! Live from there.

Abiding Surrendered Held

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